Escaping the chaos - The gift of self-care during the festive period
As the festivities begin, it can be a lonely or chaotic time for some. Spending time with family or work colleagues when your relationship is strained or if you have differing political opinions can leave you feeling exhausted or bored. Yet we may feel a sense of obligation or duty to politely accept invitations to spend time with others. Here are a few ideas as to how you can ensure you look after your own needs, whilst balancing others expectations:
Say no. Whilst this might seem obvious it can be incredibly difficult to decline an invitation simply because the other person has stated that they expect you to be in attendance or spend time with them over the holiday period. Often you may slip into feeling a need to justify your ‘no’ or working through several feasible scenarios that provide an excuse not to attend - you don’t need to. It’s OK for you to take care of your needs.
Awareness, Listening, Empathy (or ALE. Who doesn’t love an acronym?). If you’re staying with family then it can be difficult not to regress to being an angry teenager in their presence. We might annoy our siblings or disagree with our parents politics, so being aware of how we respond around certain people can help us increase our self-awareness and cultivate empathic understanding. I’ve spoken before about NVC (Non-violent communication) and it’s a great tool to help listen empathically to others whilst ensuring you don’t regress. It’s also great for handling situations that involve conflict. You’ll find a very handy and helpful worksheet that explains it all here.
Keep a list. In the hustle and bustle of Christmas and New Year, it can be hard to remind ourselves of what we find useful or comforting in times of stress. For example, if you’re spending time with family and you tend to find them intense then having a list of things that make you feel good or happier can be a great reference tool! This also applies if Christmas can feel like a lonely period for you. Your list can include activities like ‘go for a walk for 30 minutes’ or ‘journal or doodle’ or you may prefer to have a ‘Reasons I’m awesome’ list or to have an album of photos on your phone that remind of who or where you feel connected. Perhaps make a list of people you’d like to call and catch up with? A list shouldn’t be a ‘to-do’ more of an ‘I could do’.
Breathe. Yes, I know we all do this one without thinking but when we’re feeling stressed out then our breathing tends to become shallow and you may notice a tension in your body (shoulders and jaw are the most common). Find a space for 5 minutes and simply focus on your natural breath, the cool air entering your nostrils and the warm air leaving them. Notice the sounds of the room, outside of it, and then bring your awareness to your body. Focus on those parts that feel tension and ask them what they need (No, really. I mean it!). You might have an urge to stretch or perhaps you’re tired from late night shenanigans and feel the need to rest. Breathe and listen.
Rest. As the end of the year nears and the evenings are darker, this time of year can instil a sense of slowing down. If the chaos becomes too much then give yourself permission to rest. I appreciate this is difficult for those who work or are hosting Christmas, yet I think it’s important to grant ourselves the permission for some time off. Even a 30 minute nap has been shown to improve brain function - which is a good enough reason for a nap if you ask me!
These are just a few ideas as to how you could look after yourself during one of the busiest times of the year. How are you kind to yourself?
